I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
