Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
