Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
