On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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