I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize