I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
