At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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