I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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