It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
