I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
