Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
