I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize