I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
