He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
