I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
