i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
