12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
