Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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