Do you still have your period?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
