I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
