i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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