Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
