My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
