when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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