I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
