is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
