I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
