I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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