do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
