the condom got lost in my hair
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize