We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
