i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
