Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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