a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
