Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
