I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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