Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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