Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
