my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
