Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

He played with my vagina like it was a turntable

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(661): View more from California

i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.

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(214): View more from Texas

One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.

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(323): View more from California

VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.

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