omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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