Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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