I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
