he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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