mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
