i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
