i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
