I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
