Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
