either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
