Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
