so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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