He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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