she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
