are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am one with the molecules
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
