I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
