census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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