my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
