Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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