i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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