My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
