The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
