It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize