If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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