I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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