let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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