I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is Oprah even human
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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