I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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