So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
