i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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