God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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