woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
