I need to stop coming to work sober
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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