Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
