my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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