My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
