trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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