It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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