just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
