i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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