i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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