I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
